Sweet Baby Jesus wrapped in swaddling clothes tucked gently into the clean straw of the mother trucking manger.
I knew when I started this whole 5 Awkward Questions deal that I’d eventually have to ask Debra Anastasia to participate. If you’ve read her books (Poughkeepsie, Crushed Seraphim—only $.99!, and Bittersweet Seraphim), she mostly likely isn’t what you might think when you read her Twitter stream. Girlfriend is crass and dirty and damn funny. I don’t think she believes in a verbal filter.
Which is why I love her.
If ever you needed a warning for what you’re about to read, consider this is your warning.
1: Name 3 of your all-time favorite smut books and/or series.
a. Fifty Shades Trilogy because I could feel the love in the sex scenes. And I liked how EL James didn’t go full on describing the meat curtains. Using “there” was better I think. Because we all have different “theres”
b. Story of O I read this back in college and it was so naughty and made me feel worldly.
c. JR Ward‘s entire busting erection series. Love those. My favorite part is when she describes the ball sack as “twin weights.” Makes me laugh because normally we leave out the man bags. They are kind of hilarious slapping around down “there.” Men running naked is fucklarious.
d. Alice Clayton‘s smut scenes because they are like martinis or lacy underwear or something sexy and flirty and cute. (She never mentions the twin weights.hehe)
7. You know what’s awesome? I bet that boobs and nuts slap in the same rhythm. Let’s all check that out next time we lube up the deli meat with our hairy doughnuts. Report back.
2: What’s your favorite sexual position and why?
2. My favorite sexual position is my fictional characters’ favorite. With the person they love the most that will laugh with them if they accidentally pop off a fart.
3: Describe your bits in 5 words or less. You may use a Georgia O’Keeffe painting as a visual reference.
5. My bits are actually somewhat infamous. Ask Alice Clayton. She knows wayyy too much about my vagina. And poor EL James, I taunt her all the time too. Five words? “Drunk Moose Lips with Angie Lynch Hair.” That looks like five words if I close one eye.
4: What’s your least favorite sexual term(s) that you’ve seen written in smut books?
#4 The worst by far is a tie between “fuzzy moat of wonder” for vagina and “majestic lance of bliss” for penis.
5: Take a photo of yourself right now that includes at least some of your face, and send it to me to include with this post. Don’t be a pussy like Alice.
K. I would never pussy out like Alice. A matter of fact, I’ll put my pussy in right now. Face it. Deal with it. Love it. (see attached picture)
BONUS: Today is your birthday! Happy B-day! Name one thing you love about me.
That when I actually wrestle you to the ground at the Book Bash in Orlando you won’t call the cops on me.
Fine, slutbag. You wanna puss out on me with your photo? We’ll see if I don’t call the cops when you attackle me in June.