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All The Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Read Fat Girl Walking By Brittany Gibbons

[alert variation=”alert-danger”]Holy SHIT. She made the NY Times Best Sellers list! LOVE YOU, B![/alert]

Because you couldn’t possibly handle more laughing in your life while you’re sitting around the pool, or having a down day, or even trying to hide the dirty words from the creeper sitting next to you on the plane.

You definitely do NOT want to be left smiling after reading quips like this one:

After dinner, the three of us would walk the paved loop around the beachside community, talking about makeup and our favorite New Kid on the Block, mine of course being Danny, an early foreshadowing of my preference for men with mouths built for cunnilingus.

nkotb60313 088

And when you think to yourself, “Self, do we really want to laugh out loud when we read what goes on in Brittany’s head while a baby crawls its way out of her vagina?” you will say, “No, self. We don’t want people to wonder what we’re laughing at while we read.”

Go big or go home! That was my mental response to childbirth. You want me to push? Okay, awesome. I’m going to push so hard that I not only eject this baby from me, but I’m also going to turn my butthole inside out.

Doll birth gif

Don’t believe me when I say things like Fat Girl Walking is an indulgent exploration through the life of Brittany Gibbons, an Internet-Made-Me-Famous, thirty-something woman who shamelessly highlights all of the embarrassing and poignant life moments with all of the skill of a well-tuned, humor-writing pro.

And when I say Brittany happens to be one of my favorite people in the world and has been a very good friend of mine for the last [insert math here] years, that shouldn’t persuade you into buying her book, because you can’t trust me and my recommendations ever.

I’ve taken the liberty of using the words others have written in infamous, scathing early reviews for classic books to help me review Fat Girl Walking for the hysterically genuine, mirror-of-the-zeitgeist literature that it is.

Because what better compliment is there than to put it on the same shelves as Lolita, Wuthering Heights, and The Great Gatsby? There’s no better acclaim.


Fat Girl Walking Lolita

Lolita Fat Girl Walking, then, is undeniably news in the world of books. Unfortunately, it is bad news. There are two equally serious reasons why it isn’t worth any adult reader’s attention. The first is that it is dull, dull, dull in a pretentious, florid and archly fatuous fashion. The second is that it is repulsive.”
Orville Prescott, The New York Times, 1958
— Angie Lynch, Shameless Book Club, 2015


Fat Girl Walking Huck Finn

“[Excerpts from Huckleberry Finn Fat Girl Walking] are no better in tone than the dime novels which flood the blood-and-thunder reading population… his her literary skill is, of course, superior, but their moral level is low, and their perusal cannot be anything less than harmful.”
— The Springfield Republican, published in The New York Times, 1885
— Angie Lynch, Shameless Book Club, 2015


Fat Girl Walking Wuthering Heights 500

“How a human being could have attempted such a book as [Wuthering Heights Fat Girl Walking] without committing suicide before he had finished a dozen chapters, is a mystery. It is a compound of vulgar depravity and unnatural horrors.”
Graham’s Lady’s Magazine, 1848
— Angie Lynch, Shameless Book Club, 2015


Fat Girl Walking Gatsby
Mr. Scott Fitzgerald Mrs. Brittany Gibbons deserves a good shaking. Here is an unmistakable talent unashamed of making itself a motley to the view. The Great Gatsby Fat Girl Walking is an absurd story, whether considered as romance, melodrama, or plain record of New York Ohio high life.”
L.P Hartley, The Saturday Review, 1925
— Angie Lynch, Shameless Book Club, 2015


Mr. Melville Ms. Gibbons never writes naturally. His Her sentiment is forced, his her wit is forced, and his her enthusiasm is forced. And in his her attempts to display to the utmost extent his her powers of ‘fine writing,’ he she has succeeded, we think, beyond his her most sanguine expectations… We have no intention of quoting any passages just now from Moby-Dick Fat Girl Walking. … But if there are any of our readers who wish to find examples of bad rhetoric, involved syntax, stilted sentiment and incoherent English, we will take the liberty of recommending to them this precious volume of Mr. Melville’s Ms. Gibbons’s.”
New York United States Magazine and Democratic Review, 1852
— Angie Lynch, Shameless Book Club, 2015


“The plan and technique of the illustrations [of Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak Fat Girl Walking by Brittany Gibbons] are superb. … But they may well prove frightening, accompanied as they are by a pointless and confusing story.”
Publisher’s Weekly, 1963
— Angie Lynch, Shameless Book Club, 2015


Fat Girl Walking Ulysses

“[Ulysses Fat Girl Walking] appears to have been written by a perverted lunatic who has made a speciality of the literature of the latrine… I have no stomach for Ulysses Fat Girl Walking.”
The Sporting Times, 1922
— Angie Lynch, Shameless Book Club, 2015


On The Catcher in the Rye Fat Girl Walking: “This Salinger Gibbons, he’s she’s a short story guy girl. And he she knows how to write about kids. This book though, it’s too long. Gets kind of monotonous. And he she should’ve cut out a lot about these jerks and all that crumby school. They depress me.”
James Stern, The New York Times, 1951
— Angie Lynch, Shameless Book Club, 2015


“[American Psycho Fat Girl Walking] is throughout numbingly boring, and for much of the time deeply and extremely disgusting. Not interesting-disgusting, but disgusting-disgusting: sickening, cheaply sensationalist, pointless except as a way of earning its author some money and notoriety.”
Andrew Motion, The Observer, 1991
— Angie Lynch, Shameless Book Club, 2015


On Madame Bovary Fat Girl Walking: “Monsieur Flaubert Madame Gibbons is not a writer.”
Le Figaro, 1857
— Angie Lynch, Shameless Book Club, 2015


See what I mean? Fat Girl Walking by Brittany Gibbons is just not worth your time unless you have a brain, a heart, and read for self-gratification.

Fat Girl Walking is a hysterically genuine, mirror-of-the-zeitgeist collection of essays every girl who likes to laugh should read. Fat Girl Walking is an indulgent exploration through the life of Brittany Gibbons, an Internet-Made-Me-Famous, thirty-something woman who shamelessly highlights all of the embarrassing and poignant life moments with all of the skill of a well-tuned, humor-writing pro.

Whatever. If you still want to read it because you want to be just like me, get it here:
Fat Girl Walking: Sex, Food, Love, and Being Comfortable in Your Skin…Every Inch of It

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NKOTB image via Flickr;Scathing early reviews of classic novels via Flavorwire

Hi. My name is Angie, and I’m a social-media-and-smut-book-reading addict. Hi…Angie… I’ve been working hard on the magical internet since 2006 when I retired from teaching elementary school to stay at home with my two baby girls. Now, I am a smut peddler. You can follow my nonsense on Twitter and Facebook. Simply, I’m just a girl, looking at the book world, asking it to love her.

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