Dear Mistress: Future Fisting Fanatic, Humiliated, Clit-Curious

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Dear Mistress: Future Fisting Fanatic, Humiliated, Clit-Curious

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Dear Mistress,
My husband and I have been exploring him fisting me. I find the feeling is more intense and completely different than a regular orgasm, but I want to make sure this is safe. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Dear Future Fisting Fanatic,
Oh, you are not alone. A lot of women (and men) love the idea of fisting. It can be safe, but you need to take precautions. I am speaking solely about vajayjay fisting — not anal fisting (that’s a topic for another day).

We all know it’s true that a very large percentage of women can’t reach orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, but have you ever wondered why? The vagina does not have a ton of nerve-endings that allow us to feel as much as we would like.

What the magical vagina does in fact have is several pressure receptors, which is why some women love the feeling of being “full.” That fullness presses on those pressure receptors and tah-dahhh…it feels GOOD.

How does this relate to shoving your hand up someone’s hoo-hah? Well, make a fist. Look at it. It’s pretty big, right? Now look at your knuckles. You have a built-in, nubby dildo attached to your body.

Let’s be real; you can’t just go shoving your fist into someone’s lady parts. You need to prep – both of you!

1) Lube. Buy it.
2) TRIM YOUR NAILS.
3) You need to get your partner really turned on. Use a vibrator, put your oral skills to the test, get her revved up.
4) When she is feeling amazing, have her take over. She’ll want to concentrate on her clit with her hand or a toy. She’s also going to be turned on just by watching you.
5) Start with one finger. Use that finger to stretch her. Add another finger. Stretch. Add another and so on.
6) Lube. When you have made a cylinder shape with four fingers, and you can easily insert those four, it’s time to move on.
7) Again, lube. And lots of it. Apply it to her. Apply it to your hand – all the way up past your wrist (go big or go home).
8) You are ready to try your hand at fisting. Tuck your pointer finger and your ring finger slightly over your middle finger. It should make a pyramid shape with your middle finger knuckle raised. Next, try to tuck your pinky and your thumb as tightly as you can. Practice. Get your hand as tight and as small as possible.
*If this method does not work for you, you can also try tucking all of your fingers in with your pointer finger at the highest point. Tuck your thumb under your pointer. You will make a shape similar to an arrowhead.
9) Enter, knuckles first. Take your time! You’re not blasting through a wall like that creepy Kool-aid man; you need to go slowly. Twist your hand slightly and be patient. She will open up for you.
10) When you feel her open for you, go in a little more. Again, SLOWLY. Getting all knuckles in is cause for celebration.
11) Once all knuckles are in, use tiny movements. Make little circles with your hand, move it back and forth, gently in and out. You’ll feel how she responds. Watch what makes her feel good.
12) If you feel brave (and I mean, you’re already brave for sticking your hand up there), try to skim your middle finger knuckle across her cervix.
13) GIVE YOURSELF A GOLD STAR!

There you have it. So who wants to go first?

 

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Dear Mistress,
I am having a hard time understanding why a Dominant get off on humiliation? Is it just a control thing?

Dear Humiliated,
Humiliation is a huge part of BDSM. Not everyone is into it. Some things you may not even consider to be humiliating, are in fact, just that. Let’s take spanking for instance. A lot of people find it erotic or exciting. However, the act of treating someone in a petulant manner by putting them over your knee and exposing their bottom is a form of humiliation.

Personally, I get off on it. I want to see someone squirm. I want to see someone in an uncomfortable position. I want to see them on all fours, crawling to me like an animal. Why do I get off on it? Because I want to see the lengths that my submissive would go to just to please me. It is absolutely a control thing.

The beauty of it is that you get to see your submissive at your mercy. In doing so, they become stronger. They try to please you, and in doing so, they sometimes put themselves into situations that forces them to overcome fears or insecurities. So you see, not all humiliation is negative. In fact, it can be very empowering for the submissive. Ultimately, your goal as a Dominant should be to make your submissive stronger.

Now drop your drawers.

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Dear Mistress,
What’s the best clit toy out there?

Dear Clit-Curious,
Let’s just get right to it. I like these…and how do I know? Because I’ve used them. You know you want one.

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About Dear Mistress

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She’s experienced in all things BDSM, power exchange, and general knowledge of anything outside of traditional vanilla relationships. With over 25 years in the lifestyle behind her, she continues to live what she preaches and she’s sharing what she knows with us.

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Dear Mistress

About The Author
Angie
Hi. My name is Angie, and I’m a social-media-and-smut-book-reading addict. Hi…Angie… I’ve been working hard on the magical internet since 2006 when I retired from teaching elementary school to stay at home with my two baby girls. Now, I am a smut peddler. You can follow my nonsense on Twitter and Facebook. Simply, I’m just a girl, looking at the book world, asking it to love her.