Dear Mistress: Adventurous Neophyte, Title Curious, Vanilla Bean, Disrespected

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Dear Mistress: Adventurous Neophyte, Title Curious, Vanilla Bean, Disrespected

Dear Mistress

Angelica Kauffmann - Portrait of a Woman Dressed as Vestal Virgin - WGA12101So, I never had a boyfriend in person (only online) so that pretty much means I haven’t done the “deed” yet. I joined FetLife to look around and learn more, and this girl I chatted with is looking for another “baby girl” for her Dom. They are in a relationship. I exchanged messages with both of them and they are interested in me joining them.

My problem is I’m a very jealous person. I told this to him and he said that me and her will be treated equally. If I do accept their offer, he would like to get to know more about me so he can decide which collar he’ll give me.

They are not rushing me at all. I’m glad about that because I don’t want to make a decision without thinking everything through. I’m interested, but I know it won’t end well for me. I think I’ll always feel second. I know I should decline, but I don’t get what’s stopping me. Even if I do decline, I’d still meet her and maybe we’ll be better off as friends. Any advice will be much appreciated.

Dear Adventurous Neophyte,

First, let me say that I commend you for searching for what you want and being brave enough to ask for advice. Second, taking that huge step should be done on your terms and when you feel completely comfortable. If you are a jealous person, that type of dynamic will do way more harm than good. If you can be friends with them WITHOUT OBLIGATION, I would suggest that instead. That will allow you to learn more about the lifestyle so you can decide what is best for you.

Jumping into the BDSM world can seem really fun and exciting because it’s new and everything is amplified. It’s a lifestyle that is filled with pushing limits and sensation, but what a lot of folks don’t understand is the commitments are even more intense than that of a traditional marriage. Accepting a collar so quickly is a HUGE red flag for me – a big no-no in my book – and something that I’m strongly against for someone who is just starting to explore. You need to find out which dynamic appeals to you the most and will fulfill you.

My advice is to do your homework. Go to munches. Meet lots of folks. The right dynamic for you will become evident in time. More importantly, give the gift of your virginity (not only your submission, if that is what you decide you want) to someone who earns it and will be focused on you 100%. You only get to do that once. I’m always here if you want to talk.

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Dear Mistress, 

How do you know when a Dom is a true Dom? Do they just come out and tell you? Or is there a proper way of telling someone?

Dear Title Curious,  
I would hope that the person you are speaking with would be honest with you. Normally, a true Dominant’s personality will give it away 9 times out of 10 – at least that has been the case with my experience. If you are referring to their role in the lifestyle, you can ask questions that will help you learn their history or what they are into.Hello My Name is Mistress

If you are looking to interview new potential Dominants, I would ask for a history and also references from friends, other Dominants, past submissives, and also anyone they have mentored. Because there are so many frauds these days and people who assume the title without earning the title, I completely understand your concern. This is your safety that is being put on the line, so don’t be afraid to ask for references.

As for a “proper” way to tell someone, that depends on the situation. If it is just casual conversation, I would think that once you are comfortable enough with someone, it should feel very natural to tell them what you are. If it doesn’t, they probably don’t need to know. If you are active in the BDSM community and attend munches, chances are someone’s role/title will be included when you are introduced to them. We tend to like to make our roles known in the beginning. It is not uncommon to meet someone and hear, “This is John. He is the Master of so-and-so…,” that way you know right away who belongs to Master John, which also serves as a warning not to approach John’s slave/submissive.

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Dear Mistress, 

I am what you would call a newbie – or vanilla – to this lifestyle. It excites me to read about the lifestyle and to follow people who are part of this lifestyle, however I have no clue where to begin to become part of this lifestyle. I do not have a partner at this time and have not for a while, but I do know that I want more than what I have had in the past. What and where would you suggest a vanilla person start?

VanillaDear Vanilla Bean,

I think it’s wonderful that you are going through a period of self-discovery. If you can figure out what you DO want, that is half the battle. As I have discussed in the past, it is best to jump into the lifestyle by meeting and talking with people in your local community.

Get started by joining an online community such as FetLife and search for your local events. You can attend munches in your area, which are casual get-togethers in a vanilla setting. They are no-pressure, friendly events that will allow you to meet others in your local community. You can even message the organizer ahead of time so they know you are new and can fill you in on what to expect. Don’t be afraid to do this. Generally, people in the BDSM community are very welcoming and they want you to feel comfortable.

You can also visit your local kink/fetish/sex shops. You will usually see fliers posted for local events. That is another great way to get information in advance.

If you are uneasy with any of the above, please let me know and I can talk to you personally or put you in touch with others who have just ventured into the lifestyle by using the same means – and have had great success.

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Dear Mistress, 

My Sub keeps hinting that she wants more dominance, however she has a hard time being the Sub that she thinks she is.

For example, I have to travel for my job and be gone for a week or two at a time. When talking to her on the phone I told her she did not tell me she loved me when had a brief conversation earlier. I know she does, but I like to hear it. When I questioned her about it on the follow up phone call after her evening had settled down, she got a snappy attitude with me. When I let her know that tone is not ok, she threatened to hang up on me. We’ve been married 10 years and have children together so it isn’t an option to get a new Sub. Correct me if I am wrong but I am pretty sure that is not how any of this works.

Dear Disrespected,

You are 100% correct. That is not how it works. My first observation: it’s “submissive” with a lowercase “s.”

If she wants more dominance from you, she needs to understand that her actions have consequences, especially if she is not respecting the dominance you are displaying already. If both of you have a clear understanding of what is and isn’t allowed, there should be no question. My personal motto:

A submissive is only as strong as the Dominant empowers them to be. 

My second observation of the situation is that she does not respect you in that role. If she did, she would want to please you. Ultimately, a good submissive wants to please her Dominant more than anything. That is clearly not the case here. So, you either need to have a serious sit-down to discuss her attitude, or step it up on your end by punishing infractions appropriately, which will make it very clear to her that her behavior is unacceptable and that brats will not be tolerated. Or (and this is a real possibility) she needs to admit that this dynamic is not for her. It might not be. She might not be a natural submissive and you might not be a natural Dominant. I would hate to see you jeopardize your marriage if the dynamic is truly not for you.

If you need to speak to me about appropriate punishments, please contact me. I will be happy to do so.

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About Dear Mistress

Do you have a question for our resident Dear Mistress?

She’s experienced in all things BDSM, power exchange, and general knowledge of anything outside of traditional vanilla relationships. With over 25 years in the lifestyle behind her, she continues to live what she preaches and she’s sharing what she knows with us.

Nothing is off limits. NOTHING. Too embarrassed to ask a friend or afraid your search history will be discovered? Ask Dear Mistress!

Authors: Are you writing a book with BDSM? Ask the Mistress! Just make sure you include your name and email address in the question submission box, and she’ll email you personally.

Check back every #BDSMFriday – or whenever it pleases her – for the answers to your questions.

Want to know more from the Lady in Charge? Visit Dear Mistress’s earlier contributions.

Dear Mistress

Dear Mistress: Produce Prurient, Crippled with Insecurity, Clearly Unclear

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Dear Mistress: Produce Prurient, Crippled with Insecurity, Clearly Unclear

Dear Faithful Followers,

Beardsley BDSM CCI’m thrilled that you have been brave enough to follow me on this journey each week. I’m overwhelmed with emotion as I sift through the submissions each week. So many of you looking for suggestions, guidance, and support. It got me thinking. I want to hear feedback from those who have asked questions.

Did you try what was suggested? How did you make out?

Did you get a new toy that was mentioned? If so, what do you think?

If you were looking for guidance entering into this lifestyle, where are you now? Let’s hear it!

Tell me what worked for you. Your experiences have the ability to help and encourage others, so let’s all be role models for each other.

With gratitude,
Dear Mistress

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Dear Mistress,

Like many others, I am reading the new EL James book, Grey. Christian mentions inserting a peeled ginger root in Ana’s ass. Ummmm… I read a lot of books, but this is a new one. Can you shed some light on this technique?

Dear Produce Prurient,

Ginger Finger for FiggingThe act of inserting ginger into someone’s anus is called “figging,” and it has been around since the Roman Empire. They were some crafty folks, huh? Initially it was used as a punishment technique for female slaves, and I’m talking clear up till the Victorian Era. It always amazes me when I find out just how resourceful people are. Did you also know that peeled ginger root was inserted into older horses to make them run around excitedly so they could be sold as younger horses? It’s true.

Let’s bring it up to the present day. And then let’s throw in kink. So now we have peeled ginger root + kink = holy burning hot and excruciating ass play!

These days, kinksters insert peeled ginger root into the anus as a form of kinky torture or punishment. The ginger can even be peeled and carved in the shape of a butt plug. When the ginger is inserted, the peeled vegetable comes in contact with the rectal tissue and creates an intense burn. The person with the ginger up their bum can lessen or intensify the burning sensation by contracting their anal sphincter muscles. The neat thing is that even though it causes such intense sensations, it causes no harm to the rectal cavity. So now you’ll never look at ginger the same way again.

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Dear Mistress,

I would be considered a plus-sized female. Even though my husband is very comfortable with my size, getting naked is very awkward for me. He gets beyond turned on and constantly wants to have sex. He is always touching me and looking at me.

However, as soon as he begins to put his hands on me it triggers some kind of insecurity in my mind and makes me self-conscious to the point where I lose focus and shut down. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that he finds me sexy. It causes fights between us and I am at a loss of what to do. I need a fresh perspective on this. Thank you.

Drop-the-plus-campaign

Dear Crippled with Insecurity,

This truly breaks my heart. Insecurity is such a beast, and it will prevent you from experiencing happiness. Honestly, there really isn’t anything that I can say to improve your situation. Your ability to truly not only experience sexual pleasure, but to thoroughly enjoy it, has to come from within.

What I can tell you is this: confidence is sexiest thing you could ever wear. Your husband enjoys looking at you. He is turned on by your body, and what you do with it. Own that! That is powerful stuff, my dear.

If a man is not turned on by you, believe me, you’ll know. Take the lust that is in his eyes and channel it within yourself. No one else makes him feel that way. No one else can give him what you do. Not all men or women are attracted to the stereotype.

Sexual attraction is about so much more than the physical. Lust is a chemical reaction in your brain. You don’t have to be 36-24-36. What you do have to be is confident.

I have a suggestion. I want you to have your husband stand at the end of the bed. I want you to sit against the headboard. The first time you do this, wear nothing but a shirt so you can feel comfortable. I want you to masturbate for your husband. Tell him that he is only allowed to look you in the eye. If he looks elsewhere, you will stop. I want you to watch how aroused he becomes. Tell him that he can join you — watch him masturbate and climax by looking at you.

Now I want you to do it again. This time, remove your shirt. Drape a sheet across your midriff, exposing your shoulders, cleavage, and legs. Masturbate for him, but allow him to watch your body. Have him climax by watching you.

When you are ready, I want you to do it again, but this time remove the sheet. Allow your husband to watch you and take the sight of you in. Guaranteed, he will come faster this time. You will see what your body does to him.

Embrace the sexual power that you have. Don’t allow your insecurity to be a roadblock to your happiness.

I wish you luck and courage — and I would love for you to follow-up with me.

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Dear Mistress,

What are some common misconceptions about BDSM that you could clear up? Are there really dungeons? -Clearly Unclear

Dear Clearly Unclear,

Are there real dungeons? Absolutely. There are dungeon playrooms in kink & fetish clubs, and also dungeon space that you can rent to carry out your scenes. You would be surprised to find what is in your area.

Common BDSM Misconceptions (and yes, these piss me off)

1. BDSM must include sex.

Wrong. BDSM is not about sex. It is about pushing limits, psychological control, relinquishing control, and self-expression. It’s a true power exchange.

Woman_on_Spanking_Horse CC2. Submissives are weak.

Wrong. Submissives are the definition of strength. It takes brass balls to willingly hand yourself over. If you don’t think so, try it.

3. There is ONE TRUE WAY.

Wrong. Your kink lifestyle is what you make it. You mold it to fit your needs. Yes, there are guidelines, but it’s up to you to make it your own.

4. Dominants are the only ones in control.

Wrong. A Dominant’s job is to fulfill their submissive’s needs, and in turn, satisfy their own needs. A Dominant must respect the submissive’s needs, even when the submissive calls all activity to a halt. In terms of control, the Dominant must have extreme self-control which allows them to not only take their submissive on a journey, but to also be able to make responsible decisions and judgment calls when necessary.

5. BDSM is only about pain.

Wrong. BDSM is a power exchange between two willing people, which does not necessarily involve pain. Pain can certainly be a part of it, if that is your fetish. Pain gets adrenaline pumping through the veins, which increases sensation, which leads to pleasure.

6. Dominants are male; submissives are female.

WRONG. Your role in this lifestyle is NOT defined by your gender; it’s defined by your personality and your desires. Don’t believe me? Let me show you what this female is capable of.

7. BDSM is dangerous.

Wrong. The lifestyle motto is “Safe, Sane, Consensual,” and it is not a suggestion — it’s a hard rule.

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About Dear Mistress

Do you have a question for our resident Dear Mistress?

She’s experienced in all things BDSM, power exchange, and general knowledge of anything outside of traditional vanilla relationships. With over 25 years in the lifestyle behind her, she continues to live what she preaches and she’s sharing what she knows with us.

Nothing is off limits. NOTHING. Too embarrassed to ask a friend or afraid your search history will be discovered? Ask Dear Mistress!

Authors: Are you writing a book with BDSM? Ask the Mistress! Just make sure you include your name and email address in the question submission box, and she’ll email you personally.

Check back every #BDSMFriday for the answers to your questions.

Want to know more from the Lady in Charge? Visit Dear Mistress’s earlier contributions.

Dear Mistress

Best Of Dear Mistress: She Rewards What Pleases Her

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Best Of Dear Mistress: She Rewards What Pleases Her

We’re closing in on 100 submitted Dear Mistress questions, which if you’re keeping track, is 100 kinky thoughts by many of you. I’m doing some fuzzy math here, and considering all of the thoughts that swirl around in your minds that don’t even make it out of your fingers and into a submitted question, that’s approximately eleventy-million kinkster fantasies you’re having.

Dear Mistress is SO proud of your openness to receive her advice, she’s personally offering a giveaway to the person who submits the 100th question!

»pauses for slow-clap«

You brave, kinky readers are brave enough to open yourselves up to hearing from our experienced Dominant on how to be your best kinky self. We’re not telling you exactly how many questions she has in her black box, but we’ll tell you when the 100th is submitted.  So submit as many legitimate questions as your little kinky heart desires.  Multiple questions get you multiple entries, and you know how much we like multiples.

And that special 100th question asker will win $100 worth of any and all toys, books, fun stuff you want from Amazon you choose!

Have your eye on a LELO Ina 2? It’s yours!
Want a new, sexy lingerie set? Hooray for you!
Do you need to add to your smut book collection? YOU’RE THE WINNER!

See how to enter the big giveaway at the end of this post.

Our motto around her is Be Shameless, and with the amount of questions she’s received so far, we can tell that you guys are no shrinking violets.

You’re more like Violet Beauregarde; you want your kink and you want it NOW.

Dear Mistress gathered together 5 of her favorite questions and answers. I’ve highlighted some key points in each and am including them here. You can see the full questions and answers by clicking on the links to their posts.

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Dear Unknown

Dear Mistress,
How do you know you are a submissive or dominant? Would you recommend sites like FetLife to explore the unknown?

Dear Unknown,
I speak for myself when I say that being a Dominant and having a dominant personality is a part of every thread of my being. There was never any question. The tough part for me is realizing that not everyone has it so easy. So my thought is this; if you are not actively in, or are interested in the BDSM lifestyle, you don’t really need a label.  You may just be a person who just likes occasional aggressive sex sans labels. Sometimes you like to take control and other times you don’t.

That is perfectly OK.

It’s such a personal, intimate question that I can’t tell you how you know. You need to look inside to determine what satisfies you. I found this quiz that might help you: The BDSM Selector

read the entire Q&A here

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Dear Aroused

Dear Mistress,
Pain. Why does my body react to it so hotly? In the heat of the moment sometimes I can’t even feel the pain happening. I just know it feels amazing. Why is that?

Dear Aroused,
In the BDSM world, pain is usually delivered gradually. This gradual ascension causes endorphins to be released in your body; that rush of endorphins can cause you to experience a state of floaty bliss along with heightened sexual arousal. In some cases, you don’t even feel the sensation as pain any longer. Your brain is a magical machine. Granted, everyone is different. Each person reacts differently to different sensations.

As long as you are with a partner you trust, it’s all good. Let the spankings commence!

read the entire Q&A here

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Dear Exposed

Dear Mistress,
I have a question about my Master and the things he orders me to do/not to do as part of our relationship. I can’t tell if it’s disrespectful, or just meant as humiliation, but it’s a bit public (sort of), or could be.

I want to renegotiate parts of the checklist, but am not sure how to pose it so that it doesn’t just look like I’m picking and choosing what parts of the M/s dynamic I want to follow. What should I do?

Dear Exposed,
One of the most difficult aspects of the M/s dynamic is not the unquestionable devotion that is required, but rather it’s the testing and pushing. Your Master is testing you; he is pushing you to see how far you will go for him. I am sure this is pleasing to him. Seeing you struggle with the rules gives him satisfaction because it determines the lengths you will go to please him.

This does not mean that you do not get a say. Pleasing him should make you happy. When it reaches a point where you are compromising your comfort level and it becomes a public display, it’s time to renegotiate.

read the entire Q&A here

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Dear More…Me

Dear Mistress,
Is it possible to gain confidence from submitting? I only ask because that is what has been happening to me. In the short time I have been in this relationship, I feel more secure and confident then I have in a long time. More… Me. Is this normal?

Dear More…Me,
What you are experiencing is the result of what happens when you step out of your comfort zone and find your true self. It is a beautiful realization when you come to discover that your insecurities no longer define you. Why would you want them to? You become a slave to your insecurities.

An experienced Dominant will want you to be the best possible version of yourself. They want you to be comfortable in your own skin. Submitting is not for the weak. A good Dominant will recognize your insecurities and take the necessary steps to help you move beyond them. They would want you to be strong enough to handle the emotions that come with the dynamic.

read the entire Q&A here

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Dear Baby Domme

Dear Mistress,
I think I’m kind of just getting to understand what my boyfriend wants. He likes the being told what to do. I don’t see either of us getting our kink on, but since I have a submissive personality, it makes me worry about all sorts of stuff. Will he judge me? Will he think I’m a bitch?

Dear Baby Domme,
The biggest thing is confidence. OWN IT. Confidence is SEXY. You have to remember — he wants this. So you are already in a good position.

Decide on a safeword (both of you). Safewords are not just for pain; they are used to stop all activity if it becomes necessary. There is no shame or embarrassment in needing to stop. You think there is no kink here, but ohhhhhh think about it. The kink side to this is that you are controlling all activity and his orgasm. That’s kinky and sensual at the same time.

read the entire Q&A here

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Giveaway

To enter the $100 Amazon shopping spree giveaway from Dear Mistress, you must submit a valid question to Dear Mistress here. It is a completely anonymous process, so to keep the anonymity, we ask that you include a secret word of your choosing with your question.

Once we’ve receive the 100th question, we’ll ask readers to verify the secret word so we can match the winner to her answer. Keep an eye out in the newsletter and on Facebook for the announcement and call for verification. The winner will have just 72 hours to claim the prize!

Again, this is an anonymous process, unless you are the winner. We only know the identity of the winning question asker in order to award the prize.

In addition to the valid submitted 100th question, the winner must be a Facebook fan of SBC as well as subscribe to the Shameless Book Sales newsletter.

open internationally; value up to $100USD

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About Dear Mistress

Do you have a question for our resident Mistress?

She’s experienced in all things BDSM, power exchange, and general knowledge of anything outside of traditional vanilla relationships. With over 25 years in the lifestyle behind her, she continues to live what she preaches and she’s sharing what she knows with us.

Nothing is off limits. NOTHING. Too embarrassed to ask a friend or afraid your search history will be discovered? Ask Dear Mistress!

Authors: Are you writing a book with BDSM? Ask the Mistress! Just make sure you include your name and email address in the question submission box, and she’ll email you personally.

Check back every #BDSMFriday for the answers to your questions.

Want to know more from the Lady in Charge? Visit Dear Mistress’s earlier contributions.

{click here to submit your questions}[/box_light]

Dear Mistress: Collar Curious, Faithful Subject, Electrified

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Dear Mistress: Collar Curious, Faithful Subject, Electrified

Dear Mistress,
Can you explain the concept of collaring and the different types of collars used in BDSM?

Dear Collar Curious,
Given that this lifestyle is steeped in symbolism, it is no surprise the collar is the quintessential fetish accessory to show the world to whom you belong.

Collaring is taken very seriously and is often accompanied by a ceremony. Basically, a collar is as meaningful as a wedding ring. There is a built-in hierarchy in the community. Granted, your dynamic is what you make it, but the tradition of a Master or Dominant giving their slave or submissive their collar shows just how serious the symbolism is taken. It is ownership and possessiveness in its purest form.

There are many different types of collars, but these are the most common. I am including examples, but please keep in mind that you can customize your collar to your needs.

Consideration Collar: This collar is usually given at the beginning of a potential new agreement for an agreed upon amount of time. At the end of the time limit, the participants decide to either take their relationship to the next level or move on from each other.

Training Collar: This collar is the natural next step after the Consideration Collar. It represents the evolution of the relationship and is an indication that the slave or submissive is now being trained by their M/D in the manner they choose. There is usually a contract that accompanies this collar.

Ownership Collar: This is the pinnacle for ownership. This collar has the highest value and should be treated with respect. It should not be given without serious consideration and thought. This collar is usually accompanied by collaring ceremony. It’s a clear indication that you belong to your M/D.

Protection Collar: Every once in a while, a submissive needs assistance with an agreement gone wrong, or they are new to the lifestyle and do not want to be taken advantage of. The Protection Collar is given to a submissive by the protecting M/D and is sometimes engraved with a “P” or the M/D’s initials. It’s an indication that the submissive is not to be approached without permission.

Play Collar: Not only aesthetically pleasing, this is also a highly functional collar that is worn during a scene. They are usually made of thick leather and feature strong metal D-rings. This collar allows the M/D to attach chains, leashes, or other implements. In addition to functionality, they can also be used to indicate the beginning and end of a scene. They are put on and taken off only by the M/D.

Posture Collar: The Posture Collar is not only aesthetically pleasing as well, it can be used by the M/D to restrict neck movement, and to improve the posture of their s/s if they see fit.

Public/Day Collar: Let’s be honest, your typical BDSM collars are not always acceptable out in the vanilla world. The Public/Day collar is used for casual, daily wear in place of other collars. It can be a choker, necklace, bracelet, or other various types of jewelry. Look closely…you may be looking at an s/s and not even realize it.

Slave Collar: This collar is given to a slave by their Master. They are usually permanent and may never be removed. They can only be removed by their Master. Dedication as its finest.

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Dear Mistress,
Thank you for all of the product suggestions and links you’ve provided. I have tried two of your recommendations so far. The Icicles Glass Flogger Whip is fantastic. Great quality and it does exactly the work I wanted it to. The magnetic nipple ball clamps — well I don’t think I can quite describe them without needing some me time. So, yeah thanks again for those!

I am currently looking for massage candles. Something with a sensual fragrance, that doesn’t completely assault your nose. Any favorites you could suggest?

Dear Faithful Subject,
Well, I am both flattered and proud of you. I love feedback. I want feedback. Thank you for following up with me. I mean, I can suggest products till the cows come home, but it’s nice to know they are being used.

Enough fluff. Let’s get down to business. Here are some great suggestions for you. These are not only easy on the nose, but are hot enough to make your partner jump at your demand. I am also including some massage oils in lieu of candles in case you find yourself in a setting that does not allow a candle to be used.

Hey, I’m thorough. And I expect feedback, obviously.

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Dear Mistress,
My partner has recently mentioned an interest in electro-play. Having no experience in that area, I was hoping you could give me a recommendation of some mild, safe tools to use. Thank you.

Dear Electrified,
Electro-play seems to be all the rage lately. There has been a lot of talk about it recently. The biggest name that I am sure you are familiar with is the Violet Wand. They are the go-to brand for all things electro-kink (I made term that up). Electro-play is not to be entered into lightly. You need to be serious about it and do your homework. You can seriously injure yourself and your partner – and I don’t think you want to do that.

The kit that I am recommending is gentle enough for simple sensation play that will allow you to play with a soft current all the way to a serious ZAP. There are additional attachments that you can explore – both for external and internal use (woah!). Check this one out…it has the basics plus 5 additional heads so you can get creative. Happy zapping!

Helpful Information:

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About Dear Mistress

Do you have a question for our resident Mistress?

She’s experienced in all things BDSM, power exchange, and general knowledge of anything outside of traditional vanilla relationships. With over 25 years in the lifestyle behind her, she continues to live what she preaches and she’s sharing what she knows with us.

Nothing is off limits. NOTHING. Too embarrassed to ask a friend or afraid your search history will be discovered? Ask Dear Mistress!

Authors: Are you writing a book with BDSM? Ask the Mistress! Just make sure you include your name and email address in the question submission box, and she’ll email you personally.

Check back every #BDSMFriday for the answers to your questions.

Want to know more from the Lady in Charge? Visit Dear Mistress’s earlier contributions.

{click here to submit your questions}[/box_light]

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