13 Hot World Cup Players To Watch And Hope We See Shirtless

It’s not that we don’t love watching the sport the rest of the world considers a religion. It’s just that we watch for different reasons.

For a select few of these pretty men, I’ve matched them up as ideal book boyfriend contenders. Oh, the fantasies…

1. Ben Foster — England

Look at you, All-American English boy, with your tongue out taunting us like that.

Ben Foster tongue

Ben Foster kick

2. Valon Behrami — Switzerland

Having your tips frosted is so 1997, but you, hot Swiss man, pull it off. 

Valon praying

Valron

BONUS: Are all of the Swiss players hot? Because woah. (Ricardo Rodriguez, Xherdan Shaqiri, Gökhan Inler & Valon Behrami)

Switzerland 4 teammates

3. Graham Zusi — USA

You’re just all kinds of pretty, Mr. Zusi. All kinds of wet, slick, sweaty, wet… I need a moment.

I’m thinking you’d make a very fine Lucas from Frenched. swoon

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Graham Zusi Wet

Graham Zusi

4. Michael Essien — Ghana

Michael scored on you? Michael don’t care! Michael’s too busy being FINE.

Michael Essien shrug

Michael Essien

5. Claudio Marchisio — Italy

Eyes. Hair. Eyes. Hair. Eyes. Hair. Eyes. Hair.

Claudio Marchisio field

Claudio Marchisio

BONUS: Eyes.

Claudio Marchisio eyes

6. Aurelien Chedjou — Camaroon

I bet you’re quite the sweet man, aren’t you Aurelien? Wrap those sweet arms around me and let me find out.

Aurelien Chedjou

Aurelien Chedjou arms out

7. Alireza Haghighi — Iran

I love a man who’s not afraid to prance around a soccer pitch, showing off his pretty smile.

Alireza Haghighi

Alireza Haghighi red jacket

8. Xabi Alonso — Spain

You’re so pretty, you should be a fashion model. Oh, you are, Xabi? You’re welcome.

I know Fassbender is the ultimate Jonathan Drazen, but I’m thinking Xabi would also do quite well in my head during Songs of Submission.

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REAL MADRID-DINAMO ZAGREB (6-2)

Xabi Alonso suit

9. Mario Gomez — Germany

A sexy buttcrack to go with a sexy… everything. 

Mario Gómez

Mario Gomez crack

10. Oguchi Onyewu — USA

Never wear a shirt, Oguchi. Actually, never wear any clothes. Yeah. Just like that.

HELL YES, you’d make a beautiful Sam in Kristen Ashley’s Heaven and Hell.

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Oguchi Onyewu shirtless

Oguchi Onyewu ESPN Body

11. Keisuke Honda — Japan

Strong jawline? Check. Strong intimidating eyes? Check. Strong muscular legs? bites knuckles

Keisuke Honda

Keisuke Honda Running

12. Brazil

You’re so fucking cocky, Brazillian players. And for that, you make my nethers quiver.

Brazil players

Brazil 3 players

You got more for me? Bring it on. ~Neymar, Prince of the Brazilian WC Team 

Neymar

13. Niko Kovac — Croatia

I saw this beautiful man on the sidelines of the game I was watching, launched myself out of my chair, and tackled the PAUSE button. HOT DAMN, Coach Kovac is delicious.

Niko Kovac

FBL-WC-FRIENDLY-CROATIA-MALI

*images above are not owned by Smut Book Club

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I dare you to disagree with this obviously incomplete list.

Go on. Bring it. 

Damn, I’m catching Brazil’s cocky attitude. heh Cock.

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