It’s not that we don’t love watching the sport the rest of the world considers a religion. It’s just that we watch for different reasons.
For a select few of these pretty men, I’ve matched them up as ideal book boyfriend contenders. Oh, the fantasies…
1. Ben Foster — England
Look at you, All-American English boy, with your tongue out taunting us like that.
2. Valon Behrami — Switzerland
Having your tips frosted is so 1997, but you, hot Swiss man, pull it off.
BONUS: Are all of the Swiss players hot? Because woah. (Ricardo Rodriguez, Xherdan Shaqiri, Gökhan Inler & Valon Behrami)
3. Graham Zusi — USA
You’re just all kinds of pretty, Mr. Zusi. All kinds of wet, slick, sweaty, wet… I need a moment.
I’m thinking you’d make a very fine Lucas from Frenched. swoon
4. Michael Essien — Ghana
Michael scored on you? Michael don’t care! Michael’s too busy being FINE.
5. Claudio Marchisio — Italy
Eyes. Hair. Eyes. Hair. Eyes. Hair. Eyes. Hair.
6. Aurelien Chedjou — Camaroon
I bet you’re quite the sweet man, aren’t you Aurelien? Wrap those sweet arms around me and let me find out.
7. Alireza Haghighi — Iran
I love a man who’s not afraid to prance around a soccer pitch, showing off his pretty smile.
8. Xabi Alonso — Spain
You’re so pretty, you should be a fashion model. Oh, you are, Xabi? You’re welcome.
I know Fassbender is the ultimate Jonathan Drazen, but I’m thinking Xabi would also do quite well in my head during Songs of Submission.
9. Mario Gomez — Germany
A sexy buttcrack to go with a sexy… everything.
10. Oguchi Onyewu — USA
Never wear a shirt, Oguchi. Actually, never wear any clothes. Yeah. Just like that.
HELL YES, you’d make a beautiful Sam in Kristen Ashley’s Heaven and Hell.
11. Keisuke Honda — Japan
Strong jawline? Check. Strong intimidating eyes? Check. Strong muscular legs? bites knuckles
You’re so fucking cocky, Brazillian players. And for that, you make my nethers quiver.
You got more for me? Bring it on. ~Neymar, Prince of the Brazilian WC Team
13. Niko Kovac — Croatia
I saw this beautiful man on the sidelines of the game I was watching, launched myself out of my chair, and tackled the PAUSE button. HOT DAMN, Coach Kovac is delicious.
*images above are not owned by Smut Book Club
I dare you to disagree with this obviously incomplete list.
Go on. Bring it.
Damn, I’m catching Brazil’s cocky attitude. heh Cock.