Updated 9.5.14: The article is on Elle.com! Read it here.

So I was sitting here one day, probably in my pajamas, most likely braless, highly likely that I was cruising for smut, and I get an email from my friend and author, Alessandra Torre.

Alessandra casually mentions that she’s being interviewed for a feature in ELLE
magazine and wants to know if the editor can contact me to talk about the smut peddling world.

And I’m like…

Me?

Because… I’m sitting here in my work-at-home “Legalize Gay” t-shirt and un-yoga pants with Real Housewives of Somewhere on the TV in the background, and you think I would be a good representative of the smut book world to be part of your feature in ELLE magazine?

HELL YEAH, I WANNA DO IT! WHAT AM I, NUTS?

Wait. No one is coming to my house, right? They don’t want to include a picture of me, do they? No?

Then, HELL YEAH, I WANNA DO IT!

I get the email from Maggie Bullock, a fancy pants editor at fancy pants ELLE magazine, pee myself a bit, take a chill pill, and do my best to act like the professional woman I was trained to be by the good people during my pre- and post-graduate studies.

Dolly Parton 9 to 5

Thanks to the rallying of my Contributors, we go over the potential interview questions Maggie sent, making the answers concise and wide-reaching, as if that’s possible. We want to put our best smutty foot forward because THIS IS ELLE MAGAZINE, YO. This ain’t no Forbes or Highlights or National Geographic article. People will actually be reading what I say.

Of course, Maggie is as sweet as pie, and when I get to talk to her on the phone, she’s even sweeter and sounds almost like she’s an innocent flower I’m defiling with all of my smutty book talk.

Britney Spears eeep gif

I got that from the giggles and nearly inaudible gasps coming through the receiver. While I’m talking, I think, maybe you’re over-sharing here a bit, Pangie. Not everyone is used to the dirty words and sexual overtones you’ve become immune to hearing and reading.

Brillant mind filthy mouth

So we end the conversation with me feeling like I might have just diarrhea’d out of my mouth, unaware of 3/4 of what I actually said.

Rainbow vomit gif

Great. Now I’m thinking she won’t use me in the article.

Saw head

Only, a few days later, she sends me another email asking if I’m interested in “contributing to ELLE… highlighting three erotic romance novels as a sort of primer to this world.”

Britney happy clap red gif

Dude. For serious? You want ME to recommend books to include in ELLE MAGAZINE?

That’s the point when I felt the heavens open up, the angels sang, and my life’s work became legitimized!

Angel cage BW

Though I’m pretty sure my angel is naughty and nowhere near heaven.

Only now I had to come up with three AND ONLY THREE books to recommend to be included in Alessandra’s feature. (Duh, I’m not going to recommend any of hers because, duh, I’m pretty sure her books will be mentioned in the article.)

Here’s the ones I would have recommended by Alessandra:

So which of the umpteen thousand books I see every day and the hundreds I’ve read do I pick to be included?

It would have been easier to pick which child of mine I’d want to give up.

Sophie's Choice

Obviously, the one who hasn’t whined for new things that day.

We rallied and narrowed down the three books we felt would best represent a sort of primer to the erotica world. (Speaking of Primers, I’m pretty damn proud of The Smut Book Reader’s Primer I just published. Check it out!) Not wanting to overwhelm the dear, sweet readers of ELLE with the dirtiest of the dirties or coddle them with nicey-nice books, I felt we had to go for the books that would best exemplify the crossover romance/erotica genre.

With the help of my Contributors, the three books I decided to recommend were Songs of Submission (series) by CD Reiss, Archer’s Voice by Mia Sheridan, and Staking His Claim by Tessa Bailey.

Recommendations in ELLE

Why those three? Because.
Did the authors pay me? No, they didn’t even know I recommended their books until ELLE contacted them.
Do you really think these are the best books to read if I’m new to reading erotica or romance? Yes.
Should I 1-click those bitches if I haven’t already? Yes.

[one_third]
Songs of Submission by CD Reiss[/one_third][one_third]
Archer’s Voice by Mia Sheridan[/one_third][one_third_last]
Staking His Claim by Tessa Bailey[/one_third_last]

The September 2014 issue of ELLE magazine is currently on newsstands in select cities and out for subscribers, and it will be out on Tuesday, September 19th for all of the rest of us. If you happen to see it, BUY IT! READ IT! LOVE IT!

SBC As Seen In ELLE frame

Until then, I’ll share my paragraph (MY PARAGRAPH!) from the feature on Alessandra. I mean, you should want to read the rest of the article where we learn that she has a super-hot beefcake husband, a library of shoes, and lives a dream life on the beach. For now, here’s the part all about ME and Smut Book Club!

ELLE Interview

Let me just say, I don’t remember talking about pegging in the interview, but I very well could have. (For more about pegging, stay tuned for an upcoming Vision Board. Yes, I’m –virtually– going there.) I have a feeling Maggie picked up on pegging while she was checking out the Facebook group where, yes, we discuss it.

And no, I’m not slyly talking about my own husband or my own life in any way. Anything I said about anyone in particular was done anonymously, as you’ll see in the entire article when you get to read it.

I’m hugely honored, beyond amazed, and intensely proud to have been included in such a wide-reaching publication. THANK YOU, Alessandra, for thinking of me. Thank you, Maggie, for thinking my words and recommendations are important enough to be included in your piece.

For the first time since starting this whole Smut Peddling job, I feel validated.

And if you come into my house, I’ll have my paragraph and recommendations framed and mounted on my wall, probably with the part about pegging blocked out.

Download the ELLE — September 2014 here:

HERKIE!

Britney dork happy gifGeorge-HERKIE

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