We’re closing in on 100 submitted Dear Mistress questions, which if you’re keeping track, is 100 kinky thoughts by many of you. I’m doing some fuzzy math here, and considering all of the thoughts that swirl around in your minds that don’t even make it out of your fingers and into a submitted question, that’s approximately eleventy-million kinkster fantasies you’re having.

Dear Mistress is SO proud of your openness to receive her advice, she’s personally offering a giveaway to the person who submits the 100th question!

»pauses for slow-clap«

You brave, kinky readers are brave enough to open yourselves up to hearing from our experienced Dominant on how to be your best kinky self. We’re not telling you exactly how many questions she has in her black box, but we’ll tell you when the 100th is submitted.  So submit as many legitimate questions as your little kinky heart desires.  Multiple questions get you multiple entries, and you know how much we like multiples.

And that special 100th question asker will win $100 worth of any and all toys, books, fun stuff you want from Amazon you choose!

Have your eye on a LELO Ina 2? It’s yours!
Want a new, sexy lingerie set? Hooray for you!
Do you need to add to your smut book collection? YOU’RE THE WINNER!

See how to enter the big giveaway at the end of this post.

Our motto around her is Be Shameless, and with the amount of questions she’s received so far, we can tell that you guys are no shrinking violets.

You’re more like Violet Beauregarde; you want your kink and you want it NOW.

Dear Mistress gathered together 5 of her favorite questions and answers. I’ve highlighted some key points in each and am including them here. You can see the full questions and answers by clicking on the links to their posts.


Dear Unknown

Dear Mistress,
How do you know you are a submissive or dominant? Would you recommend sites like FetLife to explore the unknown?

Dear Unknown,
I speak for myself when I say that being a Dominant and having a dominant personality is a part of every thread of my being. There was never any question. The tough part for me is realizing that not everyone has it so easy. So my thought is this; if you are not actively in, or are interested in the BDSM lifestyle, you don’t really need a label.  You may just be a person who just likes occasional aggressive sex sans labels. Sometimes you like to take control and other times you don’t.

That is perfectly OK.

It’s such a personal, intimate question that I can’t tell you how you know. You need to look inside to determine what satisfies you. I found this quiz that might help you: The BDSM Selector

read the entire Q&A here


Dear Aroused

Dear Mistress,
Pain. Why does my body react to it so hotly? In the heat of the moment sometimes I can’t even feel the pain happening. I just know it feels amazing. Why is that?

Dear Aroused,
In the BDSM world, pain is usually delivered gradually. This gradual ascension causes endorphins to be released in your body; that rush of endorphins can cause you to experience a state of floaty bliss along with heightened sexual arousal. In some cases, you don’t even feel the sensation as pain any longer. Your brain is a magical machine. Granted, everyone is different. Each person reacts differently to different sensations.

As long as you are with a partner you trust, it’s all good. Let the spankings commence!

read the entire Q&A here


Dear Exposed

Dear Mistress,
I have a question about my Master and the things he orders me to do/not to do as part of our relationship. I can’t tell if it’s disrespectful, or just meant as humiliation, but it’s a bit public (sort of), or could be.

I want to renegotiate parts of the checklist, but am not sure how to pose it so that it doesn’t just look like I’m picking and choosing what parts of the M/s dynamic I want to follow. What should I do?

Dear Exposed,
One of the most difficult aspects of the M/s dynamic is not the unquestionable devotion that is required, but rather it’s the testing and pushing. Your Master is testing you; he is pushing you to see how far you will go for him. I am sure this is pleasing to him. Seeing you struggle with the rules gives him satisfaction because it determines the lengths you will go to please him.

This does not mean that you do not get a say. Pleasing him should make you happy. When it reaches a point where you are compromising your comfort level and it becomes a public display, it’s time to renegotiate.

read the entire Q&A here


Dear More…Me

Dear Mistress,
Is it possible to gain confidence from submitting? I only ask because that is what has been happening to me. In the short time I have been in this relationship, I feel more secure and confident then I have in a long time. More… Me. Is this normal?

Dear More…Me,
What you are experiencing is the result of what happens when you step out of your comfort zone and find your true self. It is a beautiful realization when you come to discover that your insecurities no longer define you. Why would you want them to? You become a slave to your insecurities.

An experienced Dominant will want you to be the best possible version of yourself. They want you to be comfortable in your own skin. Submitting is not for the weak. A good Dominant will recognize your insecurities and take the necessary steps to help you move beyond them. They would want you to be strong enough to handle the emotions that come with the dynamic.

read the entire Q&A here


Dear Baby Domme

Dear Mistress,
I think I’m kind of just getting to understand what my boyfriend wants. He likes the being told what to do. I don’t see either of us getting our kink on, but since I have a submissive personality, it makes me worry about all sorts of stuff. Will he judge me? Will he think I’m a bitch?

Dear Baby Domme,
The biggest thing is confidence. OWN IT. Confidence is SEXY. You have to remember — he wants this. So you are already in a good position.

Decide on a safeword (both of you). Safewords are not just for pain; they are used to stop all activity if it becomes necessary. There is no shame or embarrassment in needing to stop. You think there is no kink here, but ohhhhhh think about it. The kink side to this is that you are controlling all activity and his orgasm. That’s kinky and sensual at the same time.

read the entire Q&A here



To enter the $100 Amazon shopping spree giveaway from Dear Mistress, you must submit a valid question to Dear Mistress here. It is a completely anonymous process, so to keep the anonymity, we ask that you include a secret word of your choosing with your question.

Once we’ve receive the 100th question, we’ll ask readers to verify the secret word so we can match the winner to her answer. Keep an eye out in the newsletter and on Facebook for the announcement and call for verification. The winner will have just 72 hours to claim the prize!

Again, this is an anonymous process, unless you are the winner. We only know the identity of the winning question asker in order to award the prize.

In addition to the valid submitted 100th question, the winner must be a Facebook fan of SBC as well as subscribe to the Shameless Book Sales newsletter.

open internationally; value up to $100USD


About Dear Mistress

Do you have a question for our resident Mistress?

She’s experienced in all things BDSM, power exchange, and general knowledge of anything outside of traditional vanilla relationships. With over 25 years in the lifestyle behind her, she continues to live what she preaches and she’s sharing what she knows with us.

Nothing is off limits. NOTHING. Too embarrassed to ask a friend or afraid your search history will be discovered? Ask Dear Mistress!

Authors: Are you writing a book with BDSM? Ask the Mistress! Just make sure you include your name and email address in the question submission box, and she’ll email you personally.

Check back every #BDSMFriday for the answers to your questions.

Want to know more from the Lady in Charge? Visit Dear Mistress’s earlier contributions.

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