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    Dear Mistress: Politely Charming, You Matter, Baldy, Explorer

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    Dear Mistress,

    Yes, ma’am. I was wondering how it worked in a Dom/sub relationship. Are you both faithful to each other or do you share your sub with someone else? Can you have more than one sub? Is it considered cheating if your Dom orders you to be with someone else?

    Dear Politely Charming,

    Well, aren’t you polite. To answer your first question, each D/s dynamic is as unique as its participants. Each person sets their own rules under the umbrella of D/s understanding. Some love to play with others. Some Dominants enjoy sharing or loaning out their submissives to other Dominants or groups. Some get off on watching their submissives with others. Some submissives enjoy taking the tasks from their Dominant. It honestly all depends on what works for each dynamic.

    Can you have more than one submissive? Absolutely. You can have as many as you’re able to successfully maintain. It should be discussed in advance and agreed upon with your existing submissive.

    No secrets. And the same can be said for the opposite.

    A submissive can have more than one Dominant. It’s absolutely possible as long as there is COMMUNICATION and TRUST.

    As for cheating, if your dynamic is clearly laid out and agreed upon (this is why contracts are beneficial), and your dynamic/contract includes the option for more than one submissive, Dominant, or that you (as a submissive) can be on loan to others, it’s in NO WAY cheating.

    As for me personally, I don’t share. End of.

    Here is some great reading material for you to consider:

    There was no question submitted by this reader, but no doubt her story will strike a nerve with many:

    I just came across the following passage by you, in one of your responses:

    Sadly, a lot of women get married at a younger age and do not fully understand what they need. Once they mature emotionally and sexually, they find themselves in a tough spot of not being truly fulfilled. Very challenging.

    This describes me perfectly. I started dating my husband at 19, married at 21 (he was 31), and we’ve now been married 28 years. Like most couples, we’ve had our ups and downs, but we do love each other.

    Unfortunately, we long ago settled into a mostly platonic relationship. I had no clue what I needed sexually or emotionally at 21, but I now recognize that we are not particularly good matches. I know I have submissive traits and would love to be cared for in my relationship and dominated sexually. My husband simply doesn’t have those desires.

    I’ve shown him books, toys online, asked him if he’d like to try a few things, but he isn’t interested in anything different. In his words, he “just wants sex,” and I am definitely the caregiver of everyone, including him.

    All of this leaves me stuck. I’ve known since a few years into our marriage that we don’t mesh sexually, which he has mostly blamed on me: because I have depression; because I just want to reject him; because I have Lupus and don’t feel good, etc.

    I have never been unfaithful, because that’s simply not me, but it definitely is a very challenging position to be in. And not in a good way. No question.

    I just wanted to tell you how accurate you were. Thank you for your wonderful and insightful responses to everyone’s questions. They’re very educational.

    To Whoever You Are…

    I see you. I hear you. I understand you.

    So many find themselves caught in this trap with no way out. My only advice is to keep trying to communicate your needs. Keep trying to introduce new things.

    And to please, please seek counseling. Sometimes having your partner hear you tell your needs to someone else helps them to understand just how important they are. Your needs matter.

    YOU MATTER.

    Dear Mistress,

    What are your thoughts about a bald cock? I’ve read recently that a lot of men are following the female trend and taking it all off. I LOVE the look on women! I think a bald pussy is very sexy!

    But what about a guy? Is it a good look on men too? Does it look boyish or sexy? Do women like it? I’m thinking of trying the sans pubic hair but wanted a woman’s opinion first. You can email me privately if you’d like.

    Thanks Mistress!

    Dear Bald Cock,

    My thoughts are you should do what makes you comfortable and more confident. My personal grooming is done for my satisfaction and enjoyment and no one else’s, but since it sounds like you need reassurance, I think you should go for it.

    HINT:

    Dear Mistress,

    Is there really such a thing as the male g-spot? Do you have a map for me to find it?

    Dear G-Spot Explorer,

    Yes and yes.

    Search for the prostate, stimulate it, and change his life forever. Trust me.

    SIDE NOTE

    If you’re a male who is uncomfortable with ass action because you feel it’s emasculating, get over it and yourself. Or don’t, and miss out on earth-shattering orgasms that you didn’t know were possible. Your choice.

    STEPS FOR MILKING THE PROSTATE: "P-SPOT" ORGASM

    • 1. LOCATION

      Prostate “milking” is a prostate massage. The prostate is a gland that surrounds the base of the urethra, and is found below the bladder but above the rectum. You can access the prostate through the anus and is located 2-3 inches inside the rectal cavity. It is on the front side of the body. It feels like a small lump.

    • 2. PREP

      Your hands should be clean. Trim your nails. Start with an external massage so you can help your partner relax. Using gloves is the safest, most sanitary option to prevent scratches or tears which can become infected.

    • 3. FINDING IT

      Each person is different, but the prostate is usually 2-3 inches inside the rectum. You need to press upwards towards the stomach. It’s roughly the size of a walnut. Sometimes it’s not obvious unless you’re aroused or during orgasm.

    • 4. STIMULATION

      Apply lots of lube to your hand and to the anus. Never attempt anal play without lube. Using the pad of your finger, gently press, move in a circular motion, or try the “come hither” motion against the prostate. Communicate during exploration. Ask what feels good. Chances are you’ll know. Once you graduate beyond the finger, try a toy that is made for prostate stimulation (like the one I included below) and that takes a lot of the stress out of it. They can be moved around and some vibrate for added stimulation.

    • 5. TAKEAWAY

      Follow his lead. Massaging the prostate can create such intense arousal that it is not uncommon for the penis to become flaccid. Do not be alarmed if this happens. The P-Spot orgasm is different than a penile orgasm and is experienced deep in the pelvis – without any penile stimulation. Some men say they can feel sensations in their penis. When they orgasm and ejaculate, be prepared for more than you’re used to, and also be prepared for it last for longer. Some men leak like a faucet, others don’t.

      Enjoy!

    ABOUT DEAR MISTRESS

    Do you have a question for our resident Dear Mistress?

    She’s experienced in all things BDSM, power exchange, and general knowledge of anything outside of traditional vanilla relationships. With over 25 years in the lifestyle behind her, she continues to live what she preaches and she’s sharing what she knows with us.

    Nothing is off limits. NOTHING. Too embarrassed to ask a friend or afraid your search history will be discovered? Ask Dear Mistress!

    Authors: Are you writing a book with BDSM? Ask the Mistress! Just make sure you include your name and email address in the question submission box, and she’ll email you personally.

    Check back every #BDSMFriday – or whenever it pleases her – for the answers to your questions.

    Want to know more from the Lady in Charge? Visit Dear Mistress’s earlier contributions.

    Do you have a question for our resident Dear Mistress? She’s experienced in all things BDSM, power exchange, and general knowledge of anything outside of traditional vanilla relationships. With over 25 years in the lifestyle behind her, she continues to live what she preaches and she’s sharing what she knows with us. Nothing is off limits. NOTHING. Too embarrassed to ask a friend or afraid your search history will be discovered? Ask Dear Mistress! Authors: Are you writing a book with BDSM? Ask the Mistress! Just make sure you include your name and email address in the question submission box, and she’ll email you personally. Check back every #BDSMFriday – or whenever it pleases her – for the answers to your questions. Want to know more from the Lady in Charge? Visit Dear Mistress’s earlier contributions.

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