Yes, ma’am. I was wondering how it worked in a Dom/sub relationship. Are you both faithful to each other or do you share your sub with someone else? Can you have more than one sub? Is it considered cheating if your Dom orders you to be with someone else?
Dear Politely Charming,
Well, aren’t you polite. To answer your first question, each D/s dynamic is as unique as its participants. Each person sets their own rules under the umbrella of D/s understanding. Some love to play with others. Some Dominants enjoy sharing or loaning out their submissives to other Dominants or groups. Some get off on watching their submissives with others. Some submissives enjoy taking the tasks from their Dominant. It honestly all depends on what works for each dynamic.
Can you have more than one submissive? Absolutely. You can have as many as you’re able to successfully maintain. It should be discussed in advance and agreed upon with your existing submissive.
No secrets. And the same can be said for the opposite.
A submissive can have more than one Dominant. It’s absolutely possible as long as there is COMMUNICATION and TRUST.
As for cheating, if your dynamic is clearly laid out and agreed upon (this is why contracts are beneficial), and your dynamic/contract includes the option for more than one submissive, Dominant, or that you (as a submissive) can be on loan to others, it’s in NO WAY cheating.
As for me personally, I don’t share. End of.
Here is some great reading material for you to consider:
There was no question submitted by this reader, but no doubt her story will strike a nerve with many:
I just came across the following passage by you, in one of your responses:
Sadly, a lot of women get married at a younger age and do not fully understand what they need. Once they mature emotionally and sexually, they find themselves in a tough spot of not being truly fulfilled. Very challenging.
This describes me perfectly. I started dating my husband at 19, married at 21 (he was 31), and we’ve now been married 28 years. Like most couples, we’ve had our ups and downs, but we do love each other.
Unfortunately, we long ago settled into a mostly platonic relationship. I had no clue what I needed sexually or emotionally at 21, but I now recognize that we are not particularly good matches. I know I have submissive traits and would love to be cared for in my relationship and dominated sexually. My husband simply doesn’t have those desires.
I’ve shown him books, toys online, asked him if he’d like to try a few things, but he isn’t interested in anything different. In his words, he “just wants sex,” and I am definitely the caregiver of everyone, including him.
All of this leaves me stuck. I’ve known since a few years into our marriage that we don’t mesh sexually, which he has mostly blamed on me: because I have depression; because I just want to reject him; because I have Lupus and don’t feel good, etc.
I have never been unfaithful, because that’s simply not me, but it definitely is a very challenging position to be in. And not in a good way. No question.
I just wanted to tell you how accurate you were. Thank you for your wonderful and insightful responses to everyone’s questions. They’re very educational.
To Whoever You Are…
I see you. I hear you. I understand you.
So many find themselves caught in this trap with no way out. My only advice is to keep trying to communicate your needs. Keep trying to introduce new things.
And to please, please seek counseling. Sometimes having your partner hear you tell your needs to someone else helps them to understand just how important they are. Your needs matter.
What are your thoughts about a bald cock? I’ve read recently that a lot of men are following the female trend and taking it all off. I LOVE the look on women! I think a bald pussy is very sexy!
But what about a guy? Is it a good look on men too? Does it look boyish or sexy? Do women like it? I’m thinking of trying the sans pubic hair but wanted a woman’s opinion first. You can email me privately if you’d like.
Dear Bald Cock,
My thoughts are you should do what makes you comfortable and more confident. My personal grooming is done for my satisfaction and enjoyment and no one else’s, but since it sounds like you need reassurance, I think you should go for it.
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