Naughty Teaser: We’ll be sharing a reader-submitted sexy story next week for a Special Edition of Dear Mistress!
I’m a true believer in “love conquers all.” I’ve been sitting on this question for a while, worried that I’ll sound like the naive, hopeless romantic that I am, but I finally forced myself to woman up and push the send button on this and get my answer once and for all.
If two people are made for each other and experience love at first sight (here’s the twist) and then find out that they are actually both Dominants without any real Switch tendencies, can they find a way to make it work? Has there ever been such a thing as two Dominants in a relationship? I’ve wondered this a lot, and imagine their relationship would be very explosively hot, but I wasn’t sure if it was just me being that hopeless romantic again.
-Hopeless Romantic Who Didn’t Have The Balls To Ask You This Weeks Ago
Dear Hopeless Romantic Who Didn’t Have The Balls To Ask You This Weeks Ago,
This is a tough one. Has there ever been such a thing? I suppose.
I think it would depend on their personalities in and out of their kink life, and if they are successful at separating the two. Some Dominants are more easy-going in their daily life, saving their hardcore domineering personalities to come out during sessions. Honestly, I think if it were to work for them, they would need to keep any kink activity separate and each have their own submissive. Two dominating personalities can certainly have explosive, hot sex, but I think that is where I would draw the line.
Ultimately, for a Dominant to have their needs fulfilled, there needs to be a power exchange, plain and simple. So which one will submit? Which one will bow down and kneel in front of the other? It’s impossible to say, but my goodness, I want a front row seat to witness that power struggle.
~~grabs popcorn and gets comfy~~
Recommended additional reading:
The Control Book by Peter Masters
Are there mental health professionals that specialize in treating people who belong to the BDSM community?
Dear Kinky Therapy,
Yes, there are. There is an online resource to find “kink friendly” therapists in your area. Another option is to talk to those in your local lifestyle community. They will most likely have suggestions for you.
They define “kink aware” as follows:[su_quote cite=”NCSF, Keely Kolmes Psy.D. and Geri Weitzman Ph.D. ” url=”http://www.drkkolmes.com/docs/kap.pdf”]A therapist who is kink aware recognizes BDSM play as a normal part of the sexual spectrum, and is able to distinguish healthy BDSM play from non-consensual abuse. Ideally, such a therapist has educated herself about BDSM, via books, articles, lectures, websites, and/or discussion groups. She is aware of what constitutes safe and unsafe play (acknowledging, of course, that different folks have different standards for that). She is aware of the types of roles and role expectations that are commonly encountered in the BDSM scene. She understands the stress that some clients may experience in keeping their BDSM lifestyle secret. She has also worked with a number of clients from the BDSM community, and is explicitly welcoming of such clients in her advertising materials. Finally, she is aware that for many kinky clients, BDSM might not have anything to do with the reason that the client is coming in for therapy. Often, BDSM is just another facet of the client’s life, like their vegetarianism or their hobby of knitting.[/su_quote]
I have started to embrace my dominant side. I’ve been asked to humiliate someone. Besides just name calling and spanking type of things…do you have any good recommendations or examples of humiliation for men that stay in the bedroom? (Meaning I’m not taking him out in public).
Dear Newbie Dominant,
Humiliation can be fun and really turns me on. It’s hard to say what you can do to him, simply because what each person finds humiliating varies.
- It can be as simple as making him call you by a title – some people find that incredibly humiliating.
- Tie a lead around his cock and parade him around the house.
- Make him do all household activities naked, wearing only an apron.
- Make him clean the kitchen floor on his hands and knees – naked and with a toothbrush.
- Put your foot on his face and demand that he licks the soles of your shoes.
- If you are a woman, make him wear your bra and panties and stuff the bra.
- Make him jerk off while you cane his balls. When he cries, which he probably will, call him a sissy.
- Role play with him where he is a schoolboy brat and has to drop his pants and stand in the corner. Paddle his ass with a wooden paddle.
- Make him have to ask permission for all sexual activity – and occasionally don’t allow him to come after he is very close. Make him leave the house with blue balls.
- Use a cock cage on him and control his orgasm.
- You want hardcore humiliation? Make him come in a cup and drink it. Inspect his mouth.
Some of these may be perfectly normal behavior for some and not humiliating at all. Others will find them completely humiliating. It depends on what he reacts to. There is a fine line between humiliating and insulting your submissive. Using terms like “ugly,” “fat.” “useless,” and “dumb” can cross the line to abuse – be careful there. Bottom line – have fun with it. And I have plenty of other suggestions if these do not work for you.
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About Dear Mistress
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Want to know more from the Lady in Charge? Visit Dear Mistress’s earlier contributions.[/alert]