Dear Mistress,
My question today is about coconut oil. I know that latex condoms are not to be used alongside oils, but have read some people feel this does not apply to coconut oil. So my question is how do you feel about coconut oil mixed with latex? Also, how about just coconut oil as a stand-alone lube?

Dầu dừaDear Coconuts,
Just like apple cider vinegar, coconut oil seems to be the answer for everything these days. It’s a super, long-lasting lubricant, massage oil, hair moisturizer, and has even been shown to have anti-fungal properties that can help keep yeast infections at a distance. However, I have read that it should NOT be used with latex since it can break it down. Some people still use it with latex toys and condoms. Me? I would rather protect my investments and err on the side of caution.

If you want to give it a try, just be sure to select a coconut oil that is all natural without any added ingredients or preservatives. There is always a chance you or your partner could be allergic to it, so be sure to test it on your arms or legs before getting busy…because ouch.


Dear Mistress,
What toy would you suggest that penetrates the vagina as well as stimulates the clit and anus? Does such a thing even exist?

Dear Triple Player,
Aren’t you just a greedy go-getter. There’s a word for you and I think it’s “overachiever.” I KID.

shockerAre you surprised that such a toy does in fact exist? Not just one — MANY. Who doesn’t want a toy called “The Stinger?” You know you’re curious.

I’m including a bunch to pick from because no two masturbators are alike…or is that snowflakes? Whatever. Happy triple diddling!


Dear Mistress,
Does a couple involved in the BDSM lifestyle always engage in kinky sex, or are there some times where it’s vanilla and calm?

Dear Lifestyle Curious,
Let me start by saying that just because a couple is into BDSM, it does not necessarily mean it includes anything sexual. BDSM is not about sex. Can it be? Yes, only if you want it to be.

Sex, before anything else, is about emotions and communication. You have different moods, wants, and needs on any given day. Maybe you want to communicate your emotions with a hard slap on the ass…maybe you want to communicate with a warm hug. Just because someone loves kink does not mean they don’t enjoy some vanilla sex. It might not give them the same reaction and endorphin release that they get from being caned, but variety is the spice of life. Vanilla sex is awesome in its own right.

Think of it this way; sometimes you walk up to the ice cream shop counter and you feel like having a banana split because you want that sundae to rock your world seven ways to eternity. Other times you walk in and just want the warm comfort of a hot, delicious Belgian waffle, stuffed with vanilla ice cream and sprinkled with powdered sugar. Does that mean that waffle is any less satisfying or delicious? Nope. It’s just what you needed at that time (especially if you have fucking cramps).

Now I want a banana split AND a Belgian waffle stuffed with ice cream. Maybe I should just take a Midol and call it a day.

These are things that would make me feel better (and yes, in this order — I’m bitchy):

Give the gift of Treatsie artisan sweets!


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About Dear Mistress

Do you have a question for our resident Mistress?

She’s experienced in all things BDSM, power exchange, and general knowledge of anything outside of traditional vanilla relationships. With over 25 years in the lifestyle behind her, she continues to live what she preaches and she’s sharing what she knows with us.

Nothing is off limits. NOTHING. Too embarrassed to ask a friend or afraid your search history will be discovered? Ask Dear Mistress!

Authors: Are you writing a book with BDSM? Ask the Mistress! Just make sure you include your name and email address in the question submission box, and she’ll email you personally.

Check back every #BDSMFriday for the answers to your questions.

Want to know more from the Lady in Charge? Visit Dear Mistress’s earlier contributions.

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