Dear Mistress,
Can you explain the concept of collaring and the different types of collars used in BDSM?

Dear Collar Curious,
Given that this lifestyle is steeped in symbolism, it is no surprise the collar is the quintessential fetish accessory to show the world to whom you belong.

Collaring is taken very seriously and is often accompanied by a ceremony. Basically, a collar is as meaningful as a wedding ring. There is a built-in hierarchy in the community. Granted, your dynamic is what you make it, but the tradition of a Master or Dominant giving their slave or submissive their collar shows just how serious the symbolism is taken. It is ownership and possessiveness in its purest form.

There are many different types of collars, but these are the most common. I am including examples, but please keep in mind that you can customize your collar to your needs.

Consideration Collar: This collar is usually given at the beginning of a potential new agreement for an agreed upon amount of time. At the end of the time limit, the participants decide to either take their relationship to the next level or move on from each other.

Training Collar: This collar is the natural next step after the Consideration Collar. It represents the evolution of the relationship and is an indication that the slave or submissive is now being trained by their M/D in the manner they choose. There is usually a contract that accompanies this collar.

Ownership Collar: This is the pinnacle for ownership. This collar has the highest value and should be treated with respect. It should not be given without serious consideration and thought. This collar is usually accompanied by collaring ceremony. It’s a clear indication that you belong to your M/D.

Protection Collar: Every once in a while, a submissive needs assistance with an agreement gone wrong, or they are new to the lifestyle and do not want to be taken advantage of. The Protection Collar is given to a submissive by the protecting M/D and is sometimes engraved with a “P” or the M/D’s initials. It’s an indication that the submissive is not to be approached without permission.

Play Collar: Not only aesthetically pleasing, this is also a highly functional collar that is worn during a scene. They are usually made of thick leather and feature strong metal D-rings. This collar allows the M/D to attach chains, leashes, or other implements. In addition to functionality, they can also be used to indicate the beginning and end of a scene. They are put on and taken off only by the M/D.

Posture Collar: The Posture Collar is not only aesthetically pleasing as well, it can be used by the M/D to restrict neck movement, and to improve the posture of their s/s if they see fit.

Public/Day Collar: Let’s be honest, your typical BDSM collars are not always acceptable out in the vanilla world. The Public/Day collar is used for casual, daily wear in place of other collars. It can be a choker, necklace, bracelet, or other various types of jewelry. Look closely…you may be looking at an s/s and not even realize it.

Slave Collar: This collar is given to a slave by their Master. They are usually permanent and may never be removed. They can only be removed by their Master. Dedication as its finest.


Dear Mistress,
Thank you for all of the product suggestions and links you’ve provided. I have tried two of your recommendations so far. The Icicles Glass Flogger Whip is fantastic. Great quality and it does exactly the work I wanted it to. The magnetic nipple ball clamps — well I don’t think I can quite describe them without needing some me time. So, yeah thanks again for those!

I am currently looking for massage candles. Something with a sensual fragrance, that doesn’t completely assault your nose. Any favorites you could suggest?

Dear Faithful Subject,
Well, I am both flattered and proud of you. I love feedback. I want feedback. Thank you for following up with me. I mean, I can suggest products till the cows come home, but it’s nice to know they are being used.

Enough fluff. Let’s get down to business. Here are some great suggestions for you. These are not only easy on the nose, but are hot enough to make your partner jump at your demand. I am also including some massage oils in lieu of candles in case you find yourself in a setting that does not allow a candle to be used.

Hey, I’m thorough. And I expect feedback, obviously.


Dear Mistress,
My partner has recently mentioned an interest in electro-play. Having no experience in that area, I was hoping you could give me a recommendation of some mild, safe tools to use. Thank you.

Dear Electrified,
Electro-play seems to be all the rage lately. There has been a lot of talk about it recently. The biggest name that I am sure you are familiar with is the Violet Wand. They are the go-to brand for all things electro-kink (I made term that up). Electro-play is not to be entered into lightly. You need to be serious about it and do your homework. You can seriously injure yourself and your partner – and I don’t think you want to do that.

The kit that I am recommending is gentle enough for simple sensation play that will allow you to play with a soft current all the way to a serious ZAP. There are additional attachments that you can explore – both for external and internal use (woah!). Check this one out…it has the basics plus 5 additional heads so you can get creative. Happy zapping!

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About Dear Mistress

Do you have a question for our resident Mistress?

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